Are you struggling in your relationships, your career, or with your health? Can’t seem to get a break? Sounds like you may have forgotten how to love yourself. Or maybe you never did.
Maybe it’s time to slow down and look inward. Because the foundation of success in any area of life is the relationship you have with yourself.
When you think about how you feel about yourself, and how well you know yourself, how do you score on a scale of 1 – 10?
Learn How to Love Yourself Again
If you feel that you know yourself very well, but you are on the lower side of how much you like yourself, then it might be time to start thinking about how you can build a better relationship with yourself.
In what follows we will be exploring how to accomplish this.
1. Stop Focusing on the Dealings of Others
There are tons of distractions that the world throws at you already, but one of the worst time-eaters is spending too much time following and critiquing the lives of others.
It can be extremely easy to fall into the habit of spending your time concerning yourself with the movements of others. This often happens because involving yourself in other people’s issues diverts your attention from your own.
For instance, you may find yourself pondering, discussing, and analyzing other people’s affairs with friends for hours on end. You might engage in conversations that, ultimately, bring no benefit to you. But it’s important to note that while you’re focusing on other people’s business, you’re avoiding work that you can be doing on yourself.
But your time is precious.
‘’Justice means minding one’s own business and not meddling with other men’s concerns.’’
Plato
Equally, allowing others to be involved in your matters needs careful consideration. If you let in people who aren’t even in the slightest invested in your well-being, things can turn sour.
Not only that.
Allowing the wrong kind of people into your life or investing your own time in engaging with other people’s lives has one unwelcome side effect. It will eventually expose you to unnecessary scrutiny.
In the Instagram generation, we see inside the lives of beautiful and successful people. Never mind that what is presented to us is more often than not deliberately staged, carefully composed, and filtered.
Constant comparing yourself to the perceived perfection of Instagrammers can manifest in insecurities that you feel towards yourself.
And what of ‘real’ 3D people in your life?
Even your well-meaning family and friends’ comments can be undermining your confidence. If you feel as though you are constantly scrutinized by your loved ones, it’s important to remember that they might not even be aware that you feel any discomfort at all.
Most of the time, people are primarily focused on how they are seen by others. Try to adjust your lenses and look inside yourself instead. Forget about how you look to other people and focus on how you feel inside yourself.
2. Learn to Forgive People
It’s really hard to make a better relationship with yourself when you carry a lot of baggage from past dealings with people. Things sometimes happen that can make you feel a little bit sour about having relationships with others.
But it’s important to remember that you don’t need to hold onto negative memories. Let them just be things that happened and move on.
It’s been said that forgiving people is more about being healthier for yourself than the person you’re forgiving. This is because holding onto anger and pain will only cause you to feel negative. And a negative outlook will only allow you to see negative things, while the good things will slip by unnoticed.
Don’t let that happen!
‘’Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.’’
William Arthur Ward
Once you have forgiven someone completely, the part of your mind that has been holding onto those toxic thoughts and feelings will be free to focus on better things. Then you can use that brainpower to think of ways to create goodness in the world around you. After all, there are a lot of ways to spread positivity, and the best ways involve doing something for others.
3. Take Time to Help Someone in Need
There are few joys that can compare to the feeling you get when you help someone who really needs help.
When you’ve been spending a lot of time focusing on yourself in unhealthy ways, a really good way to break out of that is to help someone else. This puts them in the forefront of your mind for a time. And such a shift in your perspective can help you to appreciate your own situation.
For example, there are a lot of programs that involve helping the homeless and elderly, and both are in constant need of volunteers that can help dilute the strain placed on other people who are already busy in the community.
‘’The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the in the service of others.’’
Mahatma Gandhi
As a result, you might be surprised by the outpouring of gratitude that comes from people who haven’t been used to getting the help that you’re helping to provide. This can create connections and inspire the future success of people who might not have had the opportunity otherwise.
Helping others is good for your soul.
4. Write a Journal or a Letter to Yourself
Part of getting to the deeper parts of yourself is taking time out of your day to put your thoughts on paper so that you can read them back to yourself. Sometimes it takes this kind of exercise to be able to get a sense of what is truly on your mind.
You may have doubts about recent decisions, or you might need to see your thoughts out in front of you to make those final choices. Whatever the case may be, journaling will help you to begin to prioritize your feelings and thoughts about things. Once you’ve drawn some conclusions it’ll be easier to make real changes based on the information you have about yourself.
‘’If we own the story then we can write the ending.’’
Brene Brown
So why don’t you grab yourself a lovely notepad, a few moments of solitude and silence, and put your thoughts on the paper? Journaling enthusiasts recommend writing either early morning, before the circus starts, or in the quiet hours of the evening, before sleep.
They also recommend filling about three pages. When I started journaling,I struggled. Three pages?! Whatever should I put down?
See, the problem was not the lack of thoughts but rather a sheer volume of thoughts and images, all gyrating at tremendous speed in different directions. It was damn difficult to catch any of them and put them onto a page.
But in time, my mind slowed down. I was able to lure those thoughts closer, one at a time, and make them still enough to capture.
What I experienced after a few days of journaling was a sense of contentedness, of an order of sorts, of the mind lighter for freeing the thoughts that need to be noticed.
And, for what it’s worth, pages full of shocking surprises and creative ideas.
5. Practice Positive Self-Talk
After you’ve taken some time to reflect on what you wrote down in your journal, make some effort to replace anything negative that you said about or to yourself with something that is positive.
Talk about your abilities. Tell yourself that you can accomplish your goals.
Of course, the more that you repeat positive affirmations to yourself, the more possible they will become your reality.
‘’Words matter. And the words that matter most are the ones you say to yourself.’’
David Taylor-Klaus
But there’s a trick to it. Instead of just quickly reciting the affirmations, make every effort to feel each with your mind and body.
So engage your voice, say it out loud. Stand up, stand straight, stand firm. Look in the mirror, look in your eyes.
Furthermore, drive that message deep into your soul, carve it in your mind. Say it again and again and again with conviction.
Say it like you mean it.
Week 2 Summary:
- Focus on yourself, eliminate people who undermine you
- Forgive (this is not an easy one, so maybe start with lesser offenders)
- Help someone
- Journal (three pages a day)
- Adopt positive self-talk
Self Love Program
Self-Love Week 1: 6 Simple and Affordable Ways To Start Practising Self-Love
Self-Love Week 2: 5 Ways to Build a Positive Relationship With Yourself
Self-Love Week 3: How To Treat Your Body With Kindness And Feel Happier
Self-Love Week 4: How To Have a Great Day Every Day? Wake Up Early To Avoid Panic and Meltdowns!
Self-Love Week 5: Start Living Your Best Life Now: Focus On Your Future, Not The Past
Self-Love Week 6: 5 Benefits of Positive Self-Talk For Life Change
Self-Love Week 7: How To Create a Daily Self-Care Ritual
Self-Love Week 8: How to Set Life Goals for Better Future After 40
Self-Love Week 9: How to Find Your Life Purpose in 5 Minutes a Day
@Feature Photo by Green Chameleon on Unsplash
This article was written by Zuzana Halliwell. I am not a doctor or health professional and cannot be held liable for the information written here. This article is meant to provide information about the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. The content is based on my own personal experience and on information provided by medical professionals that is available to the public. It is not intended to provide medical advice. Do not use it as an alternative to seeking help from a medical professional.
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